I have been feeling like shit and I don't really know why.
I mean, I am back in that place where I am spending most of my time in bed not eating or moving or doing anything at all
and it's confusing to me, because the greatest problems I am facing currently are school and food shopping (which seems ridiculous at the moment because I am not eating, and it's not even like I am deliberately not eating, I buy the food with the intention of eating and then I get to 2 am and I realize that I haven't had breakfast, lunch or dinner, instead I had 8 cups of coffee and 2 packets of cigarettes instead or something stupid like that)
and it's not even like I am feeling sad either, I am not feeling anything I feel completely and utterly hopeless and lost. I am totally apathetic towards everything and it sucks!
I am meant to be there for my friends if they need me, or my boyfriend (who still insists on NOT talking to me about ANYTHING although he is still quite clearly in that hole he dug himself)  but I can't be if all I am doing is lying in bed for 7 months like last time.

I am being beyond ridiculous.

I was watching cartoons and eating cereal. I remember, I was sitting on the floor because our couch was too uncomfortable to sit on, so I just let my head rest against the cushion. I was watching the power puff girls and one of the villains was trying to kidnap or, catch one of them, and suddenly, before the villain could realize his goal, my mom ran in and picked up the remote (she had been in the kitchen, presumably listening to the radio) and she changed the channel.
I remember watching the footage and feeling everything drop out from under me. I was lucky, I lived a long way from NY and none of my family were there or anywhere near ground zero, but I still felt this overwhelming horror. I was only young, and I hid behind my moms legs and closed my eyes and everything felt completely wrong.

So, my schedule has been crazy. With school work I had (stupidly) left un-done added to the work my teachers have (already!!) started setting, mixed with my bigbang work (which for some reason isn't coming to me as easily as I would have hoped- even though the story the author and the setting are perfect) but I'm working on with that in-between my course work (what I have done is going fine)
Not to mention my real life (real life- as to suggest that this in in fact, not real life) is hectic. I have to get a job, to pay for the stuff I need (not to mention I need also to pay for my skating lesson which have gotten even more expensive)
I went to rite aide to get some shampoo whilst I was away and it all came to a pleasing $11
But then it struck me that when I was in London a while back I bought the same shampoo for £11 which is a shocking $18!
Is that how far the economy has fallen? The us debt problem is messing with my shampoo (how horrifying)

I'm in a cafe with my dad drinking coffee (thank you dad) so that all I'm going to say today

 Im home now, and its great. I mean, I loved the north/east coast it was great, but being home is just, well, its good to be home.

not that I missed all the fat rednecks who live round here, but I did miss all my friends ;-;

I have a ridiculous amount of work for the upcoming academic year, and dc_bigbang, so, I guess I'll see y'all around sometime

Sorry it's been a while- I've been on a whirlwind adventure spanning the north/east-coast.
I'm currently in new York and should be home soon!

I feel rotten and I have like 659874652 different pills to take, but not for long, hopefully it should clear it up quickly.
that all I have to say really.
o0o0o